Forever
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: Set after "All the Proof". After the unexpected death of his father, Benny Severide, Kelly needs someone to help him through the grieving process...his best friend, Matt Casey.
1. Chapter 1

Forever

Matt Casey had just stepped out of the shower and was getting dressed when his phone started buzzing. He had an idea who it was, and felt his eyes bulge when he saw the name and realized he was wrong.

"Kidd, what's up?"

Stella couldn't sound panicked if her life depended on it, but Casey could still tell that something was wrong as soon as he heard her voice.

"Is Kelly with you?"

"Uh, no, he's not, why?"

"He never came home, I've been waiting around for hours and...I just thought maybe he went to see you."

A dozen different scenarios were racing through Casey's head at that moment and none of them good.

"Did you call the others?"

"No, I thought I'd start with you," Stella told him. "You seemed...the most obvious."

Casey wasn't sure how to take that, but he responded, "Call Capp and Tony and see if they've heard from him, I'll check with Boden."

"Gotcha, thanks, Casey."

Matt disconnected the call, but before he dialed up Boden, something came to him and in that instant, he had a pretty good idea where Severide was. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

* * *

Severide's car was parked at the curb, Casey didn't know if he should be relieved or panicked that his hunch was right. He pulled his truck up behind the Mustang, got out, and went up the sidewalk to the building complex. The front door had been left open with a metal wedge under the door, the inside of the building was dark. Casey took out a flashlight and shone it around to see what he was getting into. The stairwell was dark, admittedly Casey didn't know which apartment had been Benny's, but he had a feeling he'd know it when he found it. He went up the stairs, moving his light from side to side, not sure what it was he was expecting to find, and called out, "Kelly? Severide?"

On the next floor he looked down the corridor and saw one door was slightly ajar, if this wasn't it, he was going to have one hell of a story to tell the cops, he pocketed his light and went over to the apartment. Before he even reached the door he could hear muffled sounds coming from inside that almost sounded like a wounded animal.

"Kelly?" he called out in half whisper as he pushed the door open. "Are you in here?"

The whole place was pitch dark. He felt along the wall for a light switch but couldn't find one, so he took his flashlight out again. There was Kelly, crumpled up on the floor by the couch, so lost in his grief he didn't even acknowledge the other man standing in the room or the blinding light shining on him.

"Kelly!" Casey ran over to him and dropped to his knees beside Severide and took the other man in his arms as he sobbed almost hysterically.

Matt was well aware of how stupid the question was, but there was never anything helpful to say in a situation like this, "Are you alright? What happened?"

Now Kelly seemed to actually be aware Casey was in the room with him. He threw his arms around Casey's back and clung to him as he threw his head on Matt's shoulder and continued to cry, with high pitched choking sobs tearing through every few breaths.

"I'm sorry, Kelly, I'm so sorry," Casey told him as he rubbed Severide's back comfortingly, "I know you miss him."

If Severide had anything to say, he couldn't get it out past his tears, he didn't even try, he just hung onto Casey as every breath he sucked in was forced back out.

Casey didn't know how long they sat on the floor like that, after what seemed like an eternity, Kelly finally started to wind down, and loosened his grip on Matt. When he was finally quiet, Casey let go of him and told him, "Come on, Kelly, let's get you out of here. Can you get up?"

Severide choked back another sob, rubbed the back of his hand across his face and let out a half exhausted, "Yeah."

Casey helped Kelly to his feet, he was pretty steady so he probably hadn't started drinking yet, but Casey knew his best friend well enough to know that wouldn't last for long.

Kelly looked around the darkened room and told Casey in a shaky breath, not able to finish the sentence, "I didn't tell him...I didn't tell him..."

Casey clapped a hand on Kelly's back and told him, "It's alright, he knew, Kelly. Come on."

Severide seemed to be in a stupor, he followed Casey out of the apartment, down the stairs, out to the street, got in the passenger side of his truck, and the two of them drove back to Casey's apartment in complete silence. Every so often Casey would turn and glance over at Severide, who either just stared straight ahead, or occasionally turned and looked out the window at the scenery they passed by. Casey wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to try talking to him or not, for now he opted for the silence and hoped from here Kelly could calm down. It had been an up and down day, on one hand, Benny's last act as a father had ended Gorsch's reign of terror, for which Casey himself wished Benny was still alive so he could personally thank the man, but it shouldn't have come at this expense, and intellectually Matt knew that one had nothing to do with the other, it was just all coincidence, rotten luck, but he knew none of that was going to make Kelly feel any better.

"Come on, Kelly," he said as they pulled in to the driveway.

For a minute, he didn't think Severide would get out of the truck, but finally he reached over and opened the door. Once he actually stepped out though, he was not so steady on his feet and Casey had to help him up to the door. They made it as far as the couch before Kelly broke down crying again, Casey eased him down on the sofa and sat down beside him.

"I didn't get there soon enough," Kelly confessed, "When the hospital called, I didn't think it was _that_ serious. People have strokes all the time, they recover."

"Kelly, there wasn't anything you could've done," Casey told him.

"I should've gone to see him, after he didn't show up I should've gone back to see if he was alright," Kelly said through his tears.

"Kelly, you had no reason to think he wasn't alright, it's not your fault."

"How long...how long was he just laying on the floor before anybody came to help? I should've been there."

Casey put an arm around Severide and pulled him to him, "Kelly, none of this was your fault, it just happened."

In between sobs, Kelly choked out, "The last thing...I said to him..."

"I know, I know," Casey said sympathetically, "but Kelly, he wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't care, or if he thought you didn't."

Severide clamped a hand against his mouth in a vain attempt to stifle the sounds escaping him as his whole body wracked with every breath he took.

"I can never tell him I'm sorry."

Casey felt his own eyes stinging with tears that were just starting to build up.

"I know, neither can I," he said quietly as he rubbed Severide's back.

* * *

"Stella, I found him," Casey hoped the door between his bedroom and the rest of the apartment was enough to block out his voice so Severide wouldn't hear him talking. "He's in pretty bad shape, I'm just going to let him crash on my couch and then I'll bring him back tomorrow."

"Okay, well thanks for letting me know," Kidd responded, the relief in her voice evident.

Casey disconnected the call and set his phone on the dresser. He picked up a spare blanket from the closet and went back out to the living room where he'd already gotten Severide settled on the couch for the night. For the time being Kelly had quit crying again, and Casey was hoping he'd fall asleep soon and at least be able to get through the night in some semblance of peace.

Kelly laid on the couch with one blanket already drawn up to his chest and a pillow tucked behind his head, he had both arms folded behind his head and looked at something somewhere between straight ahead at the wall, and the ceiling above him.

"It's been getting pretty chilly in here at night, you'll probably need this," Casey said as he unfolded the heavy blanket and draped it over the other one, he noted the distant look in Kelly's eyes and asked him, "You okay, Kelly?"

"I just can't believe he's really gone," Severide said, his voice as distant as his eyes were.

"I know." Casey moved one hand up and stroked over the top of Kelly's short hair that was getting more gray in it than ever before. After this whole mess, he'd probably go completely gray overnight. "You need to get some rest though."

Kelly blinked, as if he'd just returned to his own body, and he nodded, and said not quite convincingly, "I will, thanks."

Casey felt awkward about leaving Severide alone for the night, but he had no idea how to broach the subject without it sounding weird.

"You need anything," he gestured towards the bedroom, "You know where to find me."

Severide nodded, "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

It had been the day of Benny Severide's funeral, an emotional roller coaster for everybody at 51, but Casey knew, as he stripped off the last of his dress uniform and tossed it on the bed, none of them more than Kelly. The turnout had been huge, the service seemed to last forever, he seriously wondered for a while if they were _ever_ getting out of there. In the end, everybody had parted ways, Kelly and Stella had gone back to her place, and everything was left at that until they saw each other during the next shift.

Casey had a beer, took a shower, and got dressed to go to bed, when he heard a knock at the door. He certainly hadn't been expecting any company, but he went to the door to see who it was.

"Kelly," he said in a surprised tone.

Severide had changed out of his uniform and was wearing his regular clothes, and he looked like hell.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

Casey blinked, "Yeah, of course. What's going on?"

"Can I stay here for the night?" he asked as he walked over to the couch and sat down, "Stella...she's trying to help, and I just can't deal with it right now. I thought a night apart might do both of us some good."

"Yeah, of course, my door's always open," Casey told him. He decided to bite the bullet and asked Severide, "How're you holding up?"

"I know what you're worried about," Kelly responded and raised a hand to get his attention, "I haven't taken any pills, I haven't had anything to drink."

That genuinely surprised Casey. Over the years Severide had gotten better at being able to process his grief, but if anything could send him running back to his old coping mechanisms, Casey would've figured this would've done it.

He quickly recovered from his shock and remarked, "Okay, that's good, Kelly." Then something else occurred to him, "Have you eaten?"

Severide grumbled something unintelligible.

"You need anything?"

Kelly shook his head, "Nah, I'm good, just...thanks for letting me stay here."

"Anytime," Casey replied as he went to get the extra bedding for the couch.

* * *

Casey heard something that he wasn't quite sure what it was, but initially thought it was part of a dream he was having. Then he realized the sound was somebody crying, and he woke up. He looked at the red digits on the clock on his dresser and saw it was 2:45 in the morning. He sat up in his bed and listened, and he heard the distant sounds of Severide crying in the living room. Casey sighed and fell back against the pillows. He was at a loss on how to help Kelly get through this. Losing somebody on a call, they had more than their share of experience in that field, but this was one he never saw coming, and it was obvious Kelly never did either.

Casey waited and watched the numbers on the clock slowly changed as he waited to see if Severide calmed down and went back to sleep, but 2:45 became 3:00 and the muffled cries never subsided. Casey turned on his side, then on his other side, and tossed and turned for several minutes, but he knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep, and then finally he couldn't take it anymore. He threw back the covers, stood up from the bed, went over to the door, opened it, and stormed out into the living room.

Even in the dark Casey could see Severide had his back to him and had his face buried in the back of the couch. Matt made his way over to the couch and noticed Severide didn't notice the sound of his approaching footsteps. He stood over the other man and realized Kelly was still asleep as he continued to cry. Casey put a hand on Severide's shoulder and shook him to make him wake up. Kelly choked a couple times as he opened his eyes, turned over and sat up to find out what was going on. Casey didn't say anything, instead he knelt down beside the couch and wrapped his arms so tight around Severide he thought he was going to hear his spine pop. He pulled Kelly against him so close he could actually feel Severide's heart beating in his chest and against his own. Kelly started crying again and leaned against Casey for support. Matt momentarily let go of Kelly and placed his hands on the sides of Severide's head, leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, then put his arms back around his best friend and held him as tightly against him as possible.

"It's going to be alright, Kelly, it's going to be alright," he whispered, feeling the tears come for him again as he listened to Severide being in so much pain.

* * *

Kelly didn't go home the next day, and Casey didn't trust the idea of letting Severide out of his sight for the time being. They'd fallen asleep sometime during the early morning in more or less the same position they'd been in awake, Casey woke up with his head resting on one of the couch cushions, holding Severide in his arms. His knees were killing him and he didn't have any feeling left in his feet from sitting on them. Kelly hadn't been up for conversation when they woke up, which was just as well because Casey was terrified of saying something wrong that would start Severide bawling again. Kelly got up to get a shower before breakfast, during which time Casey took the liberty of rounding up all the alcohol he kept in the apartment and hiding it. As hard as it was for Kelly to grieve sober, things would only get worse if he resorted to his old ways and started knocking back drinks to try and dull the pain.

Casey didn't know if Severide had been eating lately, he had or hadn't been doing something that contributed to him looking so terrible, so Matt erred on the side of caution and cooked a bland breakfast for both of them. When Severide got out of the shower, he surprised Casey by actually dishing up a plate and joining him at the table.

"I feel like I should apologize for last night," was the first thing he said.

Casey just shook his head. "No need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I feel like a failure, Casey," he confessed, "I always thought I didn't care what Benny thought of me, because I never thought that I cared what I thought about him. I knew what he was, Benny was just Benny, no more, no less...I never thought he'd do something like this, would be capable of doing anything like this."

"Nobody did, he took us all by surprise," Casey told him.

Kelly poked at his food with his fork and responded, "Now he's dead, and I want him back, because I want him to know I loved him."

"He did know it, Kelly, it doesn't matter what happened between the two of you, he always knew that."

"You weren't there," Severide responded.

"No...and I wasn't there when my dad died either," Casey told him. "You know what the last thing I said to him was?"

Kelly looked at him and shook his head.

"Nothing...it was my weekend with him, and he...berated me the whole time, but I didn't dare say anything back to him...I just took it. I'd seen what he did to my mom, defying him never worked in anybody's favor. I went home, didn't tell my mom what had happened...apparently I didn't need to. And the rest is history. I didn't like my father, some days I'm not even sure I loved him...but I still regret not being able to tell him that I did. But I saw you, any time Benny came to 51, no matter what was happening, you could tell just by looking at the two of you, he was proud of you...and you loved him."

Severide shook his head with a sad smile and his eyes started welling up with tears again as he replied, "I'm a horrible person. I go to him asking for help for Boden, tell my own father, that someone else was more of a father to me than he ever was...that's the last thing I ever get to tell him."

"Don't start crying again," Casey told him. "You just told him the truth, you can't feel guilty for that. Kelly, if you had known when you went to see Benny, that that was the last time you'd ever see him, what would you have done differently?"

"I don't know...everything."

"And if he knew it was the last time, he would've done things differently too," Casey said. "None of this is your fault."

"I can't accept that," Kelly shook his head.

"You better, because if you're going to be staying here I'm not going to drop it," Casey told him, then his eyes widened as he realized, "I'm sorry, Kelly, I didn't mean..."

"Actually..." Kelly said slowly, "I was going to ask if you'd mind if I stayed a little longer."

Casey didn't get it but he wasn't going to pry. Stella might've seen Kelly during _some_ bad times, but she hadn't been around for the lowest low points in his life, Andy's death, Shay's, Casey had been there and seen him at his worst, he knew better what to expect than Stella did, and maybe that's what Kelly was trying to spare her now.

"Like I said," Casey replied, "my door's always open."

Kelly looked at him as he finally put a forkful of food in his mouth, "Thanks, buddy."


	2. Chapter 2

Casey woke up in the middle of the night, and at first couldn't figure out what had wakened him, then he heard the unmistakable sound of Severide throwing up in the bathroom. Matt kicked back the covers and went to see what was going on. He heard the toilet flush and as he stepped into the room, saw Severide largely laying on the floor with just his head and shoulders propped up against the side of the bathtub, tears streaked around his bloodshot eyes, not like he'd been crying, more like they'd been forced out of him when he threw up. He looked terrible, he _looked_ hungover but Casey didn't hear him go out, and he didn't think Severide could've found where he stashed the booze. He picked up a wash rag, ran it under the faucet, knelt down and washed off Severide's face, then forced part of the rag into his mouth to clean it out. Kelly tried to say something around the heavy wet fabric in his mouth but it was too muffled to understand. When Casey was satisfied he'd done all he could do, he tossed the rag up into the sink.

Kelly tilted his head back and sighed, "Thanks, Casey."

"Are you alright, Kelly?"

Severide didn't seem to hear him, he slurred, "You're a good friend."

"What did you drink, Kelly?"

"You're a good frien', and I love you, Casey. Did I ever tell you that?"

Casey stood back up and reached down and patted a comforting hand on Severide's head, "It's alright, Kelly."

That seemed to send off some kind of warning for Kelly, his face became an expression of sheer panic, "Oh my God, I never told you, did I? We' been friends for almost 20 years, and I never told you I love you. Oh God, I'm so sorry."

Out of nowhere, Severide lunged up and grabbed Casey.

"Kelly!"

The momentum was so sudden it threw Casey off balance and he fell backwards on the floor, and just missed cracking his head on the base of the sink. Kelly was completely oblivious to this near-miss and told him, "I'm sorry, Casey, I should've told you a long time ago. All the times we almost died on the job, you wouldn't have known."

"Kelly," Casey groaned as he sat up and hugged Severide, "I know, I always knew. Benny always knew, you didn't have to tell him, he just _knew_ it."

Severide nodded glumly and replied, "Would'a been good to actually hear it."

It was hard to argue with that, but Casey told him, "You don't have to hear it to know it's true."

Kelly looked like he was giving that some serious thought. Then he looked at Casey and told him, "I still love you."

That drew a small smile from the Truck captain, who just responded, "I love you too." He pulled Kelly against him and clapped a hand on his back. He thought to ask him, "You gonna throw up again?"

"No."

"Okay then, let's get you back to bed."

* * *

Casey entered the living room and saw Kelly laying on the couch on his side with the blanket drawn halfway up on him, staring ahead at the TV, looking like a kid staying home from school with the flu. As if to complete the picture, Matt set a can of cold ginger ale and a bowl of crackers on the coffee table in front of him.

"You feeling any better?" he asked.

Kelly's eyes stayed focused on something straight ahead of him and he mumbled something incoherent.

Casey went over to the couch and reached down and put his hand on Kelly's forehead and told him, "Well you don't have a fever, and you haven't thrown up again, so that's good. You got a sore throat or anything else?"

Kelly slowly shook his head and answered quietly, "I'm fine."

"I have to get going, but I'll check in with you later," Matt told him. "Get some rest."

He bent down and kissed Severide on the forehead, then turned around and took two steps before he even realized what he'd done. He turned and looked back, Severide didn't seem to notice it whatsoever, he just stared monotonously at the TV. Casey felt a flush in his cheeks as he turned back around, grabbed his bag, and headed for the door.

* * *

"How's Kelly doing, Casey?" Boden asked later that day.

"Uh...honestly, Chief, better than I thought, but he's still a mess," Casey said, "he won't eat, he hardly sleeps, he cries all the time, he was throwing up last night, I thought he finally broke down and started drinking, but he's clean, I don't know if he just got some bug that's going around or..."

"Or?" Boden prodded.

Casey sighed. "Or if he just cried all night until he finally made himself throw up," he told him. "If he did, I didn't hear him, but that doesn't prove anything."

Wallace somberly nodded in response.

"What scares me is we know how he is," Casey said. "After Darden's death, he said he was fine, even though we knew he wasn't, after Shay died, he acted like he was fine, we knew he wasn't...this time he's not even trying to convince anybody. I have no idea what to make of it."

"Kelly shouldn't be alone right now," he told Casey, "We're halfway through shift, I'll call in a replacement to take over for you, go home and stay with him."

Casey blinked. "Chief, are you-"

"Man needs to have his family around him while he mourns, right now you're the only one here he'll let near him," Boden told him.

Casey nodded, "Copy that, Chief, thanks."

* * *

Casey looked over at Severide who was seated at the other end of the couch, looking at the TV, not paying any attention to it, just staring at it, his eyes wide, red and tired. He'd finally worn out from crying half an hour ago, and Casey hoped he didn't start up again. He'd done well all afternoon but after dinner he'd broken down sobbing again, and continued off and on for two hours.

As much as Casey didn't want Kelly to start up again, he didn't think he could get through the rest of the night sitting around in silence.

"Kelly..." what the hell, if Kelly was going to fall to pieces again, he might as well get it over with, "you wanna talk?"

Severide shook his head and continued to stare straight ahead.

"You want to get something to eat?"

Kelly shook his head again. In a low, tired voice, he choked out, "I'm not good company tonight, but I just can't be alone right now."

Casey nodded, "Understood." He alternated between watching the TV, and looking at Kelly, for a few minutes before asking, "Mind if I change the channel?"

Severide shook his head and murmured something in response. Casey grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels. The two of them wound up sitting up like that watching TV until 2 o' clock in the morning. Casey looked over for about the millionth time at Severide and saw he'd fallen asleep with his head tilted back against the couch. He picked up the remote, shut the TV off, and considered his options. He was worried what Kelly would do if he woke up, so he reached behind him, pulled down the blanket draped over the back, unfolded it and tried to spread it out over both of them but it wouldn't reach, so he carefully maneuvered his weight across the far end cushion to the middle cushion, and was able to cover them both up with it, he tilted his head to the side, closed his eyes, and soon after was in a dead sleep.

* * *

Casey woke up with Severide's head pressed against his shoulder, it was still way too early in the morning to wake him up, so he sat there and endured it, until finally he couldn't any longer.

"Kelly," he lightly nudged the other man to wake him up, and watched as Severide slowly came around, "sorry to bother you, but I need my shoulder back. I lost all feeling in my arm an hour ago."

"Huh?" Kelly yawned, "Oh, sorry," he sat up and moved over so Casey could pull his arm out from under him. All circulation was gone and he had to use his good hand to reach over and grab his wrist and shake his arm to get the blood flowing again. After a few seconds he started to feel pins and needles tingling from his fingertips up to his shoulder and was able to move it again.

"How're you feeling?" Casey asked.

"Fine," Kelly answered, not convincing whatsoever.

Well, denial might've been a sign of improvement since that was how he usually responded.

"You hungry?" Matt asked.

Kelly grunted and shook his head.

"You have to eat, Severide."

Kelly just grunted again.

Casey had been on the receiving end of Severide's outbursts for years, so the fact he wasn't even trying to actually argue with him, told Casey they were definitely _not_ over the hump yet.

* * *

The next night was much the same, Severide just sat on the couch blankly staring at the TV, not paying attention to it, only vaguely paying attention to the sound coming through the wall of Casey in the kitchen talking to somebody on the phone. A couple minutes later, Casey entered the living room with his phone in hand, held it out to him and said, "Severide, there're some guys who'd like to have a word with you."

Kelly mumbled something incoherent and just shook his head. Casey blinked, then put the phone to his ear again and told whoever was on the other end of the line, "He says he'll call you back tomorrow...okay, bye..." He hung up and tapped Severide in the back of the head with his phone, "You can't keep giving everyone the brushoff, Kelly."

"I don't have anything to say," he replied in a distant tone, almost like he wasn't even there.

"Well they want to talk to you."

Kelly made some kind of dismissive sound in his throat.

"Oh, by the way," Casey reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a few envelopes, "Cindy and Herrmann asked me to give you this...and here's one from Boden and Donna...and..." he squinted at the label on the third one, "one from Mouch and Trudy...and one from Brett...you can tell women are the ones that really do this sympathy card stuff...oh, except," Casey reached into his back pocket and pulled out another, "I think you actually got one from Voight too."

"Just put them on the table," Severide said.

"Kelly, everybody's trying to help."

"They can't," he said firmly.

"They want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine."

"Prove it," Casey said and picked up his phone again, "Stella's called three times wanting to talk to you, she said she hasn't been able to get you on your phone. Where is it anyway?"

Kelly absently reached into his pocket and held it out.

"The battery's dead," Casey said. "Kelly..."

"I'm _fine_ ," he sniped.

Well, this might be a step in the right direction anyway, but Casey knew the last thing Kelly needed right now was him riding his case all the time.

"Okay," he said, "I'm sorry." He went to go plug Severide's phone in to charge it.

"Casey," Kelly said as soon as the Truck captain got away from him.

Matt turned and looked back at him, "What?" There was no answer, so he took two steps back towards him.

Kelly reached out and grabbed Casey, knocked him off his feet and he fell against Severide on the couch. The next thing Casey was aware of was two strong arms wrapped around the middle of his back and cutting off his air. Casey gasped as he tried to speak, then choked out, "Ke-Kelly."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Severide told Casey as he tightened his grip even more. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Casey looked down at him with a small, uncertain smile as he reached down and calmly stroked up the back of Severide's head.

" _Stop_ ," Kelly said bluntly as he let go of Matt.

"What is it?" Casey asked.

" _Don't_ do that," Severide told him, remembering Stella doing the same thing when the two of them sat in the waiting room of the hospital, just waiting for the doctor to come get him to see his dad's body.

Casey pulled his hand back, not getting what was wrong. "Sorry." He moved over beside Kelly and asked him, "Have you talked to your mom?"

Severide shook his head, "She didn't come to the funeral...I don't know if she's even heard."

Casey sighed as he took his phone out of his pocket, "Here, call her."

"What am I going to say?" Kelly asked hopelessly.

"Whatever you have to," Casey told him, "you won't talk to me, you won't talk to Stella, you won't talk to anybody from 51, _talk_ to your mom."

Severide grumbled under his breath but took the phone, Casey took that opportunity to get up.

"I'll give you some privacy," he said as he headed to his bedroom.

* * *

Casey opened his eyes and looked at the clock, 5:30 A.M. He hadn't heard a sound out of Kelly all night. He'd become even more withdrawn after talking to his mother, and Casey decided it might be best to leave him alone for the night. He padded over to the door and went to the living room to see how he was doing.

Severide wasn't there. The bedding on the couch implied he _had_ been there asleep at one time, but now any sign of him was absent from the room.

"Kelly?" Casey called out in the dark. He went over to the wall and turned on the lights, blinding himself for a second, then as his eyes adjusted he looked around the apartment, there was no response. He checked the kitchen and the bathroom, nothing. Matt was trying not to panic, all the same he about ran to the window that oversaw the street. Kelly's Mustang was gone.

Okay, he stepped away from the window and tried to process this. Maybe Severide had finally gone back home. He wasn't sure Stella would appreciate the early wake-up call, but then again maybe she'd be relieved to see him after his absence the last few days. Trying not to picture Severide in a state of grief wrapping his car around a telephone pole, something that wasn't entirely beyond him even when he wasn't mourning the loss of a loved one, Casey forced himself to go back to bed. He laid back down, pulled the covers up, turned on his side, closed his eyes, and tossed and turned from one side to the other for the next half hour, finally he decided to get up and get started for the day.

He'd just finished getting dressed when he heard the front door slam. Curious, he opened the bedroom door and saw Severide walk in dressed in his jogging sweats, carrying a bag over his shoulder. So apparently he'd _stopped_ over at Stella's, but he didn't stay.

"Everything okay?" he called out.

Severide turned towards him and answered nonchalantly, "Yeah, fine." He seemed to still be trying to catch his breath from his run, he put his bag down on the couch and went to take a shower.

Casey didn't believe that anymore than he could toss Severide, but if he was getting off his butt and resuming some of his normal activities, that had to be a good thing. Still...Casey looked out the window and saw the whole city was still pitch black where the streetlamps didn't shine, and if his memory served him, Severide usually went jogging once the sun was actually up, meaning he'd gotten...at least an hour's start on his usual schedule.

* * *

When Severide got out of the shower, he had not been oblivious to the fact that he couldn't find Casey's razor anywhere. First the beer Casey always kept in the fridge disappeared, now the razor got up and walked away, if Severide didn't know any better, he'd guess in a few days the knives in the kitchen would vanish as well. He knew Casey was worried about him, he couldn't tell him not to be, not because he thought he might actually harm himself but because that would involve 'getting into it' with Casey and he just wasn't in the mood. He liked Casey's company as long as he didn't ask questions. Kelly got dressed, then he stepped out to the living room in time to see Casey come through the front door carrying a pink bakery box.

"Picked up some doughnuts for breakfast," he said as he took the box to the kitchen, "I have to meet with someone in an hour who wants an estimate for a job."

Kelly headed into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"So should I ask?" Casey asked.

"Ask what?"

"How'd it go with your mom?"

"Oh...fine...she's...being a rock, she always had to be after Benny ran out on her."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, well..."

"How's Stella?" Casey asked.

Kelly picked up the morning paper and sat down at the table and said dismissively, "She's alright."

Casey turned and looked at him and asked, "You just gonna suck up all the coffee, or are you going to eat?"

Severide lowered the paper briefly and shook his head, "Not really hungry."

"You _have_ to eat, Kelly."

Casey lifted the lid on the box, took out a cake doughnut with pink frosting, stuck it in his mouth and left the kitchen to get ready for work.

Kelly waited until Casey was out of the room to ask, "Why are you always telling me to eat?" He took the silence as an answer, then put the paper down and flipped the box open.

The contents of the box contained two chocolate twists, two glazed rings, two bear claws, two cinnamon rolls, two lemon bismarcks, and an assortment of cake doughnuts all in pairs, minus one strawberry. It looked like Casey had bought out the whole inventory. Severide finally took out a plain glazed doughnut and took a bite. He chewed it a couple times as if testing it, then took another bite.

* * *

Casey felt his eyes squeeze clear shut as a particularly loud yawn escaped him that morning on shift. He finished pouring his cup of coffee and downed half of it with one swallow. Otis entered the kitchen and commented, "If you don't mind my saying so, Captain, you look like hell."

"Thanks, Otis, that's just what I needed," Casey grumbled.

"How're you doing?"

Casey set the coffeepot back on the maker and told him, "I've been sitting up with him watching TV until 3-4 every morning in the past week. I've seen more old movies in the last week than in my whole life." He turned to Otis and asked him, "You ever see something called 'The Cat and the Canary'?"

Otis rolled his eyes as if trying to remember something and asked, "1927, 1939 or 1978?"

"All of them," Casey answered.

"Oh."

"Some kind of marathon on one of the old movie channels last night."

"Welcome to my world," Otis said, then asked, "How's Severide doing?"

Casey shrugged and shook his head, "Hell if I know, hell if he'll tell anyone."

"Yeah, I kind of figured," Brian replied, "not just us, he's _really_ giving Stella the cold shoulder, and it's starting to show."

Casey grumbled dismissively, "He'll go back soon, he's just got to work through everything right now."

"Yeah, but _is_ he?" Otis asked.

Casey looked at him. "I have no idea." He put his coffee down and told Otis, "I try not to think when somebody we know is going to die, because on this job it's just too damn unpredictable, and most times even if you think you can plan for it, there's still nothing you can do."

"I hear you."

"But I especially never thought about Benny dying," Casey told him, "and I sure as hell never thought it'd be from a stroke...I thought the man pickled himself against everything imaginable."

That drew a chuckle out of Otis who responded, "I agree." There was a silence between them and the air was tense, broken only when Otis added, " _Nobody_ saw this one coming."

Casey shook his head in agreement, "And I'm not sure what it's going to take for Severide to recover from this."


	3. Chapter 3

"Kelly."

"Huh?" Severide shot up on the end of the couch. He hadn't been aware he'd closed his eyes.

It was after midnight and the two of them were watching TV again. Casey looked over at him and asked, "You want to go to bed?"

Severide rubbed his eyes and shook his head, "No."

Casey gestured towards the TV, to the movie they'd been watching, "You like this?"

Severide grumbled dismissively.

"You want to do something else?"

Kelly looked at him tiredly, "Like what?"

Casey had just opened his mouth when an idea came to him and he got up from the couch. "You ever tried Rummikub?"

"Huh?" Kelly asked.

Casey shrugged and explained, "This game my niece gave us for Christmas last year. I took one look at the instructions, said 'hell with it' and banished it to the top shelf of the closet."

"Well _that_ sounds promising," Severide dryly remarked, but nodded, "Yeah, sure, get it out, let's try it."

* * *

Five games later, and Severide kicking Casey's butt with a combined total of 800 extra points, Kelly finally fell asleep on the couch. Casey poured the tiles back into the box, closed the lid and put it back in the closet. Then he remembered that Severide had let his phone die again and he'd put it on the charger...12 hours ago. He unplugged it and saw it was at full power again, and saw a whole mess of missed calls. A few were from Stella, a couple were from his mom, but most of them were from a number he'd never seen before. Curiously, he dialed it back and put the phone at his ear to see who answered. He was well aware that it was 2 o' clock in the morning and anybody who _would_ answer would not appreciate it but...

Casey's eyes widened and he disconnected the call.

It was the office of one of those three named law firms. What did they want with Kelly? Casey scrolled through the phone's history and saw that the firm's calls dated back to the day before Benny's funeral. So Severide had known for almost two weeks they were trying to get a hold of him, so it must've had something to do with Benny, but what? And why was Severide ignoring them?

* * *

The next day Casey brought up the subject of the lawyers trying to reach Kelly and asked him, "What is it they want? Did you talk to them?"

"Not much...something of Benny's...I cut them off."

"You know if you don't answer the phone, they're going to come looking for you," Casey said, "Remember what happened with Shay?"

"Yeah yeah," Kelly said unenthusiastically.

Casey tried to see the whole thing from Severide's perspective, he wasn't sure he could. "If you want me to go with you..."

"No," Kelly cut him off. "I'm not talking with them."

Casey just nodded, "Okay."

Kelly looked at him and said suddenly, "I'm going back next shift."

Casey did a double take. "Are you sure?"

"I've got to do something, I'm going crazy sitting around here all day."

Casey was tempted to suggest Severide could go back to Stella's and probably find something more interesting to do while he sat around there all day, but he decided against it. If Severide really thought he could handle being on Squad again...they'd keep an eye on him to make sure.

* * *

Matt stood outside the door to Severide's quarters and watched the man while he slept. With no lights it was hard to see much of anything but his eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to make out the distinct lump in the middle of the bunk. Every so often the lump would move to one side or the other, but nothing that indicated Kelly was having any trouble sleeping. Casey would be glad to step away from the door, go to his own bunk and crash for the night, but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling he had to keep an eye on Severide.

It had been a rough 16 hours. Everybody at 51 had welcomed Severide back to shift and though he tried to act like everything was normal it was obvious he was not his usual self, he engaged in very little conversation with anybody, and while Casey normally didn't pay attention to what he and Stella did when the bells weren't going off, he couldn't actually remember the two of them interacting at all the whole time they'd been there. Several times during the day his phone had buzzed and he'd muted it. Casey had brought the others in on that part of it, and the general consensus among them was the firm in question must've represented somebody Benny owed money to, and now his debts had been transferred to Kelly, in which case, no wonder he wanted nothing to do with them.

Casey realized his feet were numb, he had no idea how long he'd been standing there watching Kelly. He flexed his toes to get some feeling back in them, then finally moved away from the door, and headed over to his own office to get some sleep before another call came in.

* * *

The apartment door opened and Stella stood there, looking anything but pleased to see him there.

"Kelly asked me to come get some of his stuff," Casey told her. "He's worn the same three changes of clothes for the last two weeks."

Stella opened the door wider and said dryly, "Yeah well, I figured somebody would be coming by sooner or later."

Casey stepped into the apartment and the first thing he saw was two bags near the door already packed.

"There's all his stuff he brought when he moved in," she told him, "and if he says I stole his copy of 'Bullitt', he's lying."

Casey looked at the bags on the floor, then turned back to her. "What's going on, Stella?"

"That was my question when he stormed out of here three weeks ago," Stella replied. "I get that this is a hard time for him and he needs to sort everything out, and I figured he'd get it sorted out in a few days and be back...I thought he'd at least talk to me after a while."

"He still hasn't called," Casey realized.

"No calls, no texts, one face-to-face visit when he just came to get a change of clothes, what's going on, Casey?"

Matt shrugged. "I don't know, he won't talk to me either."

"Yeah, but he'll stay with you, right?"

Casey turned and saw three more bags lying on the floor across the room.

"If this is all his stuff, what's that?" Casey asked.

"My stuff," Stella answered.

He turned back towards her, and she nodded and said simply, "I'm moving out."

"What? Why?" Casey asked.

"Well, you were going to find out next shift anyway," Stella told him, folded her arms against her chest and cleared her throat, "I'm putting in for a transfer, I'm...I'm leaving 51."

" _What_?" Casey asked.

"I can't have a relationship with somebody that won't talk to me and I can't have a working relationship with someone I can't even talk to off-shift," Stella explained, "and it's just getting too awkward at the House...and it would especially be awkward to have Herrmann for a landlord when I'm not even part of 51 anymore, so I'm getting another apartment. I've gotten everything out of 51 that I think I'm going to."

"Stella you can't do this," Casey shook his head, "you can't run out on Kelly now, he needs you."

Stella slowly nodded, not in agreement but just in response, and she told him, "See, I'd like to think that was true too...but if it was...he'd probably be here, wouldn't he?"

Casey wasn't sure how to respond. Everything just seemed to be falling away from him.

"He's got a lot to work through right now," Casey told her, "nobody was expecting Benny to die, he's had the rug pulled out from under him."

"I know, and I thought I'd be there to help him get through it," Stella said, and shook her head, "but apparently he doesn't want me to." She turned away from him and told him, "I get it, I do, before 'bros before hoes' caught on at my school, what all the girls said was 'boyfriends come and boyfriends go, but best friends are forever'. Apparently the same also holds true for girlfriends."

Nothing was making sense anymore.

"You can't do this, Stella, the only reason you're still able to be a firefighter is because Kelly fought tooth and nail with the doctors for them to _not_ take your lung out," Casey reminded her.

"I know, and I appreciate what he did," she responded, "but he'd do the same thing for anybody at 51, Mouch, Herrmann, you, and you know it."

"He did it because he loves you."

"That might be true, but that was then," Stella said, "and he doesn't seem to need me anymore."

"Stella..."

"I'm sure Kelly's figured out that it's over, but if he needs it clarified...he's not taking my calls, so unfortunately you'll have to break the news to him...I'm sure he'd rather hear it from you anyway," Stella told him.

* * *

Casey went back to his apartment and not looking forward to the task at hand whatsoever, broke the news to Severide as gently as he could. If Kelly thought _anything_ of Stella leaving 51 and moving out of Herrmann's apartment, he said nothing, the expression on his face gave away absolutely nothing. Casey wasn't even sure if Severide had heard him or if he was capable of comprehending the words right now. He had absolutely no idea how to help somebody who wouldn't talk to him.

After he got done explaining things to Kelly, Casey waited and watched his best friend for any sign of a reaction. There was none. Finally he broke the silence by telling him, "I'm sorry, Kelly."

Severide blinked and finally responded, "Just one of those things that happen."

Maybe Casey should've realized what was going on, but it had never been his intention to get between Severide and Kidd. Looking back he knew that Kelly had been staying with him for quite a while but after a while the days just blurred together and it was hard to really keep track.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Casey asked.

Severide's eyes didn't really focus as he responded, "Nah, it's fine, everything's fine."

* * *

Kelly woke up on the couch in Casey's living room. He reached for the coffee table and found his phone and saw it was 1:45 in the morning. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but suddenly it felt like there was a warning in his head telling him to get up. He went to the window and looked out. The street was dark except for the lamps on the corners, looked like everybody else on the block was in bed. What was going on?

Something came to him. He didn't know where the idea came from, but something was telling him he had to get out of the apartment, and quick. It didn't make sense but he didn't feel like he could ignore it, he put on his shoes, got his jacket, headed for the door and walked out into the freezing cold night.

The wind picked up after he'd been walking for a mile or so, soon after that it started howling, and ripped right through him, but he wouldn't turn back. He didn't even know where the hell he was going, he just felt like he was in a fog and wandering aimlessly.

Cars went by, once in a while he passed by somebody else out walking in the night, but for the most part the streets were empty. His fingers were already starting to tingle from the cold, he shoved them in his pockets and kept walking. At an intersection he looked up at the street sign, and he started to realize the direction he was heading, and he decided to face whatever was there head on, and he broke into a run.

Kelly's lungs were burning and his ribs hurt with every step he took long before he reached his final destination, but he wouldn't stop. He ran until he couldn't even feel the breaths coming into his body, and thought he'd fall down dead, but he just kept going. He knew the way but even without being able to see it, he could feel the end was in sight, and it wouldn't be much longer now.

Finally he saw the streetlights shining down on the gate, the doors stood open, inviting, and he ran on in, then stopped. He tried to catch his breath but felt like he couldn't get any air in. He looked around and acting more on memory than anything, found himself going down the rows, and found the one he wanted, and walked down it, until he came to the newest marble maker. Even without light to read the epitaph he could still see the name on it clear as day.

Benjamin Severide

He wanted to laugh but his chest hurt too much. Very rarely in his life had he known his father by anything except Benny. The first time he actually heard someone address his dad by his full name, Kelly thought they were looking for someone else.

Kelly sucked in a large breath, and it came back out in an ear shattering scream that could barely be heard over the howling winds as he reached out with both hands and hit the tombstone, and fell on his knees. The tears welling up in his eyes and just starting to topple over were hot and burned his skin as they trailed down his face. He inhaled an exhaled long and painfully with every breath as he rocked on his knees looking at his dad's grave. He reached a shaky and by now completely numb hand out to touch the stone.

"I'm sorry!" he choked out. He breathed in several large gasps and they escaped him just as quickly. In a slighter quieter tone he added, "I love you...thank you for everything."

Then he fell flat on his face and felt his whole body shaking. Whatever strength and energy had carried him all the way out here was now leaving him quickly. He closed his eyes, and all he could hear was the sound of his own weeping, which gradually became lower, and lower, and lower. Just before everything went silent, he would've sworn he felt somebody's hand on his back.

* * *

Casey opened his eyes and tiredly looked at the clock. 3 o' clock. Why was he up? He waited and listened. No sound of Severide puking in the bathroom tonight. What then? Begrudgingly, Casey pushed back the covers and forced himself to get up and go check on Kelly, hoping he was still asleep and not having any nightmares of the 'wake up screaming' variety.

He tiptoed over to the couch and found the blanket pushed back and Kelly was gone. Again? Casey turned on the lights, and once again checked the kitchen and the bathroom, no Severide. And it was too early for him to go jogging. An idea came to Casey and he went to see if Severide's car was gone. Maybe he'd gone back to reconcile with Stella before she put in her transfer.

Casey turned on the porch light and opened the front door, and about had a heart attack.

Severide's car was still parked at the curb.

The wind ripped through Casey and practically forced him back inside, he was already freezing just from being out on the porch, and Severide had actually gone _out_ into this weather? But where the hell would he go on foot? Casey _couldn't_ see him walking over to Stella's, _or_ to 51, Molly's was closed, and he wouldn't go back to his dad's apartment.

"Oh my God!" Casey screamed as he realized the only other likely possibility, and ran to get dressed.

* * *

The headlights of Casey's truck shone on the entrance gate to the cemetery, the doors were standing wide open, he didn't see anyone right away, but he drove his truck into the graveyard, and drove up to where he remembered Benny's casket being brought during the service. He half turned his truck going the wrong way on the car lane, and his lights revealed a figure laying on the ground beside Benny Severide's tombstone.

"Kelly!" Casey threw the door open and ran over to his friend.

The winds howled like a banshee and ripped clear through him, his face felt like it was being pelted with shards of ice, how long had Severide been out here? He came up to the grave and dropped down on his knees beside Kelly, who was sprawled out beside the grave, had his eyes closed and wasn't moving.

"Kelly!" Casey grabbed Severide by the shoulders and pulled him up. His clothes were ice cold to the touch, his skin was even worse, the high beams from Casey's truck revealed Severide's cheeks were bright red, and so were his hands. Casey leaned Kelly's upper body against him and used his free hand to check the pulse in his neck, it was slow, and reached under Kelly's shirt and checked his heart beat, it was slow too. Neither of which though he thought warranted a rush to Med, if he could just get him out of the cold and let his body temperature rise of its own volition, he should be fine, but in that moment Casey couldn't get up himself. He cradled Severide's unconscious body against him and exhaustedly rocked on his knees, one arm wrapped around Kelly's shoulders, the other hand stroking over the back of his head.

Casey didn't know how long he stayed knelt on the ground, but after a while he felt about frozen stiff, then finally, he heard a moan from Severide. Kelly didn't open his eyes, but he seemed to be responding to something, and Casey took that as a good sign.

"Come on, Kelly," Casey took Severide's arm and wrapped it over his shoulders to support him, "it's time to go home."

He slowly got to his feet and pulled Severide up with him, and awkwardly walked Kelly down the row towards the pickup. He got the door open and eased Severide into the passenger seat, then ran around to the driver's side and threw the heater on full blast and drove them out of there.

Halfway back to his apartment, they stopped at a light and Matt heard something over the noise of the heater. He looked over and realized it was Kelly, who was still asleep, but his teeth were chattering and his whole body was trembling. Casey reached under his seat and took out the bath towel he kept on hand for the rare times his window leaked when it rained and draped it over Kelly's chest and arms.

Casey was never so relieved to be home. He parked the truck, got out, went around to the other side, helped Severide out, and walked him up to the door, into the apartment, bypassed the couch entirely and walked him over to the bedroom and let him drop facedown in the middle of the bed. After everything he'd been through, especially tonight, Casey decided to let him sleep where he could stretch out and actually rest. He pulled off Kelly's shoes, and managed to wrangle him out of his jacket that still felt like ice, and pulled up the covers and draped them over his body. Kelly had his face buried in one of the pillows and wasn't responding to anything, except his teeth weren't chattering so much with the heavy blankets covering him. Casey leaned over the bed, stroked over the back of Kelly's head a couple times, then bent down, kissed him on the top of his head, turned and left the room.

He went out to the living room and plopped down on the couch. He was _so_ tired, he kicked off his boots and sprawled out on the couch, all he wanted to do was get some sleep.

* * *

Kelly felt like he was burning up. He opened his eyes and found himself face down in a pile of pillows in a strange bed. He had a sheet, a bedspread, a flannel blanket _and_ a quilt cover him, all of which he promptly tossed off as he tried to figure out where he was. He felt along both sides of the bed to make sure there wasn't anybody else there, and there wasn't, so that made it a little less awkward. He put his feet on the floor and stood up, and called out in the darkened room, "Hello?" No response.

Using the light of the digital clock to go by, which told him it was going on 5:30 in the morning, Severide felt along the dresser top for a lamp, but he didn't find one. So he found the wall and felt along it for a light switch, he covered two walls before he finally found out, and when he flicked it on, he realized he was in Casey's bedroom. But then where was Casey? For that matter, how had _he_ gotten here?

He tried to remember what had happened earlier. He remembered going to bed earlier on the couch, then...the cemetery, he vaguely remembered walking out to the cemetery, why? That part he didn't remember, but that was the last thing he _could_ remember. So how had he gotten back?

Severide opened the door and padded out to the living room, quietly calling Casey's name, wondering if he was still awake. The TV was on, and the light from it showed Casey asleep on the couch, the blanket was on the floor, and Casey's knees knocked together as he curled into a tight ball to try and get warm. Kelly leaned over and touched Casey, his skin was cold, far colder than just sleeping uncovered in a temperature controlled climate. He'd come out to the cemetery to get him, _that's_ how he got back here, and Casey hadn't warmed up since.

Kelly bent his knees and slipped one arm under Casey's back, and the other under his knees and carefully lifted him up off of the couch. Casey didn't wake up but he struggled in his sleep and made some noise of protest.

"It's alright, Casey, it's just me," Kelly told the sleeping man, "I got you, you're safe."

Kelly carried Matt's cold body into the bedroom and eased him down on the left side of the bed where he always slept, and carefully replaced the covers over him to warm him up. He patted the blankets alongside Casey's arms, then leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, then he turned and left the room, and resumed his spot on the couch.


	4. Chapter 4

Casey was curled on his side perfectly content under the heavy covers, when suddenly he heard somebody calling his name.

"Casey...hey Casey, wake up."

"Hmm?" Matt grumbled as he opened his eyes, and immediately saw it was getting light out. He turned over and saw Severide standing by the bed, holding a serving tray.

"Wha's going on?" he tiredly asked.

"My attempt at an apology for the way I've been acting the last couple weeks," Kelly said as he sat the tray over Casey's knees.

Casey was still in the process of waking up and it took him a few seconds to put together what Kelly said with the mug of coffee and the plate of bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast on his lap.

"Huh?"

"I don't know why or how you found me last night, but thanks for bringing me back," Kelly told him, "I probably would've frozen to death last night if you hadn't come after me."

Now some details were coming back to Casey. "What were you doing out there?"

"I don't know," Kelly replied as he sat at the foot of the bed to look at him. "I'll tell you something though, when I was, I would've sworn I heard Benny talking to me."

Casey looked at him. "Saying what?"

Kelly remembered part of the conversation. He hadn't been able to see anything, but he was sure it was Benny's voice he was hearing, where it was coming from, he didn't know. For a while he thought it was just in his head, wishful thinking, but it was too persistent for that.

 _"What the hell do you think you're doing, Kelly?"_

He'd felt like he was in a daze and his responses were slow, _"I really don't know anymore. I didn't know what you'd done...I tried to get to the hospital in time but I was too late..."_

 _"Kelly, stop being a damn fool, you're a Severide, start acting like it, get your ass back out there and act alive. Do you have any idea what you've put all your friends through?"_

He hadn't at the time, but he did later on when he went into the living room and saw Casey shivering on the couch, then it really dawned on him all the sacrifices that his best friend had made for him over the past few weeks. At the time however, all Kelly was focused on was saying to his dad what had been troubling him this whole time.

 _"I'm sorry that I never told you I love you...I thought I had more time."_

 _"Kelly, what're you talking about? You're my son, I always knew_ that."

The fog felt thicker now, it was harder to think.

 _"I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, Pop."_

 _"You'll figure it out, you've got all the time in the world. Now get out there and start living your life, quit worrying about me."_

"I don't really remember," Kelly shook his head, knowing if he actually told Casey, Matt would never believe it, and he was worried he'd just break down crying again. "It was nice though, it was like he was really there." He leaned towards Casey, "Thanks for letting me stay here."

"Don't mention it," Casey told him. "I'm just sorry I couldn't be much help."

"Oh you were," Severide nodded, "you have no idea how much you've helped me."

Matt knew Severide would be upset if he didn't eat the breakfast he'd made, he picked up the fork and said as he glanced over the food, "It looks good, thanks."

"I'm going to see that lawyer today," Kelly told him. "I'm going to find out what and who Benny owes and get it settled."

Casey nodded as he swallowed a fork full of scrambled eggs, "That's good. You want me to go with you?"

"No," Kelly shook his head, "I appreciate it but I'm going by myself, I'll let you know what the damages are when I get back."

* * *

Kelly got back late that afternoon. Casey had just finished wrangling a turkey into the freezer, only thinking after the fact to question why the hell he'd gotten such a big one when he was going to be eating alone this year, when he heard the door open. Kelly walked into the room looking like he was in a daze.

"How'd it go?" Matt asked.

Kelly headed over to the couch and pulled something out of his coat and told Casey, "He gave me this."

Matt took the small flat box from Kelly and realized it was a display case for Benny's medals.

"My God, Kelly."

Severide collapsed on the couch, absently reached in his pocket and took out a piece of paper and held it out to Casey, "And this."

Casey took the paper, unfolded it, saw it was a handwritten message from Benny, and sat down beside Kelly as he read, "Dear Kelly, since I know if I gave this letter to you myself it'd probably end up in the trash, I'm entrusting it to the only person I know who is more stubborn than both of us: my lawyer. Since this will likely reach you after I'm dead, these are officially my last words to you, which knowing my luck will probably be better than the last thing I actually get to say to you knowing how we are. I've taken out an insurance policy and made you my sole heir. Even though I've been married more times than even I can remember anymore, and I loved your mom very much in the beginning (first marriage is always the best, ha ha), you are my son and I love you, and I want to know that you will be alright when I am no longer around to keep tabs on you. The life insurance policy for $60,000.00 will provide for you should anything happen on or off the job and you are temporarily or permanently unable to resume your duties as a smoke eater, until you can get back on your feet. If not, I hope you will use it to start a family so that the Severide name and legacy will live on. I know we have our ups and downs and no matter how we part ways I want you to know that I always loved you and I was always proud of you, whether it seemed like it or not."

Casey looked at the date in the top right hand corner and noted, "Kelly, this is dated four years ago, that's..."

Severide slowly nodded, struggling to keep it together, and said with a small laugh, "Yeah, that's after I got blown up at the hospital, he never came to see me, but..."

Kelly doubled over, dropped his head to his chest and broke down sobbing. Casey put the letter on the coffee table and put one arm around Kelly's back and with his free hand stroked over the top of his head.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Kelly, it's okay," Casey quietly murmured.

* * *

It was 2 in the morning and Casey hadn't fallen asleep yet, when suddenly he heard the low sound of somebody knocking on his door.

"What is it?" he called out as he sat up.

The door opened and Kelly stuck his head in, "Can I come in?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Kelly pushed the door opened and walked in and asked quietly, "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Casey was glad for the dark. Severide's question was so spontaneous he almost laughed, but he could tell from the tone of Kelly's voice that he was deathly serious.

"Yeah sure," Casey reached over and pulled down the covers on the other side of the bed, "hop in."

"Thanks," Kelly said as he went over and did just that.

"So," Casey turned on his side to see him, "you feeling better?"

"Yeah, some," Kelly answered as he pulled the covers up. "You were right, I should've talked to the lawyers in the beginning and I could've saved all of us a lot of trouble."

Casey shrugged, "Time had to be right."

"I still can't believe he's gone," Kelly told him as he stared up at the ceiling, "I still don't know what the hell I'm gonna do without him, I just thought he'd always be around. I guess that sounds dumb, eh?"

"Talking to the wrong person," Casey said.

Kelly turned on his side and looked at him, "Casey."

"Huh?"

"If you'd known that day with your dad was the last, what would you have done differently?"

"Besides try to convince my mom not to shoot him?" Casey asked. He thought for a minute, "I don't know...maybe nothing...well, I don't know...if I'd known I'd never see him again, maybe I would've forgiven him."

There was silence after that, then suddenly Casey felt something reach over and grab him and felt his body get shoved against Kelly's. He reciprocated by reaching around and putting his arms around Kelly. The two best friends sat up like that for several minutes, each hugging the other as tightly as he could, neither of them said anything.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to stay a little longer?" Casey asked the next morning as Kelly packed his bags. "A few more days and you could help me with the turkey."

Severide smiled and responded, "Thanks for the offer but I think I better get out of here before I start putting down roots."

"Well, if you hurry you can probably catch Stella before she moves out of Herrmann's and convince her to stay," Casey said.

Kelly zipped his bag shut and told Matt, "If she wants to leave, I'm not going to fight her about it."

"What?" Casey asked in disbelief.

"Case, do you remember what I said around the time Clark introduced me to Anna?" Kelly asked.

Matt thought back, it had been a few years.

"Something about seeing Benny when you looked in the mirror," he remembered, not sure how that was going to set with Severide.

"Right, Benny was married...probably 10 times, half of them were never serious to begin with, and I was getting tired of picking up one night stands at bars, I wanted something actually meaningful, I wanted a commitment."

"I thought that was a four letter word for you," Casey teased.

"So I rushed head-on to help Anna to prove I could do something meaningful with my life, then I rushed head-on to having a relationship with her, and when she died I rushed head-on to Stella, just trying to find something I could point and say 'Look, I'm _not_ like Benny'."

"But you love Stella," Casey told him.

"Yeah, I do...but I'm starting to think being with her just to prove I'm not like my dad and I can have a long-term meaningful relationship with a woman, is just as bad as him getting married time after time and then walking out on them. It was great being with Stella, but something was always missing."

"What?" Casey asked.

Kelly shook his head, "I don't know...but I need to figure out _what_ it is I'm looking for, and until I do..." he sighed and told Casey, "Stella and I _kind_ of had a thing once before, if we're meant to be together _again_ , it'll happen whether she transfers or not."

Casey shrugged and asked, "So what _are_ you going to do?"

"Something I haven't done for a couple years, get a place of my own," Severide told him.

"And do _what_?" Casey asked, knowing the last time Severide was living on his own was precisely when all of this had started to take place.

"I don't know, I'll figure it out," Kelly replied.

Casey wasn't sure what to say. After a few seconds he finally told Kelly, "Well, I wish you all the luck with that, but if it doesn't work out, you know you can always come back here."

Kelly nodded, "I appreciate it, but this is something I have to do right now."

The two friends faced each other and suddenly there was nothing else to say. Casey pulled Severide into a hug and clapped both hands on his back, he felt Kelly do the same in response.

"Thanks for helping me get through this," Kelly told him as he pulled back.

Casey leaned over and kissed Severide on the forehead and patted his shoulder, "I love you, Kelly."

Severide smiled in response, "I love you too, buddy." He picked up his bags and told him, "I gotta get going."

Casey saw Severide out the door, and watched him drive off, even once he was out of sight Matt stood at the door for a couple minutes before he finally went back in and shut the door behind him.

* * *

Four days later, Casey was on his hands and knees looking through the kitchen cupboards for the roasting pan for the turkey. He about had to squeeze his upper body in the top compartment to look past the other pots and pans that had been collecting dust for the longest time. He reached clear to the back and finally found it, then heard somebody knocking at his front door, he forgot about his current position and hit his head against the top of the cupboard as he pulled himself back out.

"Ouch!" he moaned as he pressed a hand to the sore spot on his head. He turned and hollered towards the front door, "Come on in, it's open!"

A few seconds later he heard a voice behind him saying, "In _Chicago_? Do you know how dangerous and downright _stupid_ that is?"

Casey turned and saw Kelly standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Hey!" he felt his pained scowl turn into a welcoming smile, "What brings you here?"

"Is that offer to help with the turkey still good?" Severide asked.

Casey pulled the roaster out and got off his knees and stood back up, "Yeah, thanks, I could use all the help I can get. I forgot how long it's been since I did this single handedly, and tell you the truth I was getting nervous about how it'd turn out."

The two had seen each other the last couple shifts and Severide seemed to be doing alright on his own, they hadn't really seen each other after that so this visit took Casey by surprise.

"So who's coming tomorrow?" Kelly asked as he looked at the wrapped turkey leaking in the sink.

"Nobody," Casey answered as he put the pan on the table.

"What? What about your sister?"

"She and my niece are having dinner over at her in-laws," Casey told him.

"What about your mom?" Kelly asked.

"Last I talked to her, she said she and the guy she's currently with were going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, go figure, huh?"

That got a laugh out of Severide. "Nancy Casey in Hawaii?"

"Shut up," Casey told him.

But Kelly continued to laugh at the idea and kept repeating as if it was some kind of joke, "Nancy Casey in Hawaii?"

"Shut up," Casey repeated with an elbow towards his ribs.

"Seriously though, how _is_ your mom doing?" Kelly asked.

Casey sighed and answered, "She must be doing okay because I hardly hear from her. How've you been?"

"Oh, good," Severide answered, "hey, you haven't been by to see the new place yet."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that, how is it?"

"Good...neighbors are kind of a pain in the ass but luckily I only have to put up with them four days a week."

"Oh yeah? Seeing anybody yet?" Casey asked teasingly.

"No," Kelly responded. "I'm still trying to process everything right now."

Casey looked at him through the corner of his eye, "How's that going?"

Kelly shrugged, "Some days are better than others."

"Well I hope you're hungry tomorrow," Casey told him, "I got used to having somebody to eat with on Thanksgiving, I forgot I'm officially single this year, bought a 24-pounder, and I don't have any idea what the hell I'm gonna do with it."

"Hell, we'll have that gone in a week," Kelly replied.

Casey laughed in remembrance, "Hallie loved Thanksgiving, it was the one time of the year she didn't have to worry if I had anything 'substantial' to eat for about a month."

"But I'm sure that didn't stop you from sticking a pizza in between the leftovers," Severide said, knowing his best friend as well as he did.

"You got it," Casey nodded.

* * *

Casey groaned as he shut the door on the oven and he and Kelly walked into the living room and collapsed on the couch.

"You know, Severide, I'm sure you're a lot of fun in bed," Casey said, "but every woman in Chicago can heave a sigh of relief you didn't become a gynecologist after seeing what you just did to that turkey."

Kelly reached over and jabbed Casey in the ribs, "Shut up."

Casey laughed a few more seconds, then told him, "Seriously, I'm glad you're here."

"It's good to be here," he replied. "So now what?"

"Well," Casey checked his watch, "I'll check the turkey before I go to bed, uncover it about 6 tomorrow so it can brown up...whole thing should be ready by noon."

"Sounds like a plan."

A couple minutes later, Kelly looked over and saw Casey's eyes were already closed, he reached over and poked him, "Hey."

Casey opened his eyes and shook his head, "Sorry."

"Hate to break it to you but you got about four hours to stay up before you check that bird."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Casey insisted as he sat up straighter, "I'm awake."

"Yeah? Just to make sure of that, where's that game your niece gave you?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked at him with a puzzled expression at first, then he moved to get up, "I'll get it out."

"And I'll kick your butt all over again," Severide responded.

"We'll see about that."

Kelly put his feet up on the coffee table, folded his arms behind his head and smiled. Even though things had changed completely over the past few weeks, it was good to have things getting back to something resembling normal.

* * *

"So how do we do this?" Kelly asked the next day as Casey took the roaster out of the oven, "Do we name _this_ turkey like at the firehouse?"

Casey shrugged as he set it on the table to carve, "Never have, can if you want. You got a name in mind?"

Severide thought about it for a minute, then said, "Benny."

Casey looked at him, but he didn't question it. Maybe this was Severide's way of keeping his dad around for the holiday. It went against the House tradition of naming the bird after exes and others they weren't on good terms with before eating, but somehow it still seemed to fit.

"Benny it is," Casey said as he picked up knife.

While he sliced the turkey, Severide got a view of the cavity behind the trussed legs and commented, "Looks like the stuffing burnt."

"Just the outside, the rest of it will be good."

"Good, because I'm hungry."

Now that the bird was out of the oven, Casey raised the top shelf again and put in two frozen pies for dessert, one pumpkin, one cherry, and set the timer for an hour to check.

They dished up two large plates of turkey, stuffing, potatoes and gravy, and dinner rolls, took the food into the living room and sat on the couch to watch the game while they ate.

"Happy Thanksgiving," Casey told him as they started to eat.

Kelly turned to him and nodded, "Thanks for having me."

"What're friends for?"

* * *

It had already started to snow last night, not the first snow of the year but the first one that looked like it'd stick around for more than a day. When Severide pulled up the night before everything was just dusted with a dry powdery snow, now he looked out the window and saw everything was white, and going by how much was heaped over his Mustang, at least three inches, probably more, and it was snowing heavier now. It was a perfect day to not go anywhere and just stay home, eat and watch TV, all of which they'd already done.

Kelly turned away from the window and looked back at Casey, who had his feet propped up on the coffee table, his arms folded against his chest, his chin tucked into his chest, and was in a dead sleep, and had been for half an hour. Severide went over to the couch, took down the heavy blanket on the back and draped it over Casey, who didn't notice. He just about sat down beside Matt when a thought came to him, and he disappeared into the bedroom momentarily, and came back with the flannel blanket off the bed. He didn't mind bunking with Casey, but given the outside temperature had dropped 20 degrees since yesterday, and even the controlled climate inside was also feeling the effects of that weather change, he thought they'd fare better if they didn't have to beat each other up in their sleep to get warm. So, when Casey inevitably rolled up into a ball to get warm, which Kelly knew he would sooner or later, he'd have that whole blanket to himself, and Severide could keep his own draped straight over his body as he also kicked his feet up and got settled on the couch for a nap. He'd adapted fairly quickly to being on his own again and having an apartment all to himself, and got the hang of sleeping alone again, though he sure didn't mind having some company now. He leaned back against the cushions, looked over at his best friend, and said quietly, knowing Casey wouldn't hear him, and wouldn't wake up if he did, "Happy Thanksgiving, Casey."


End file.
